Why do we look to the "Tiger Mother" or the French parent to search for answers when it comes to raising children? There must be a problem with the way we raise children in America. As an elementary teacher for almost four decades, it is fair to say that I have been observing the behavior of children in a middle class suburban setting for a long time. In Elementary school you spend your entire day with the same students and work closely with their parents, so you are in a position to evaluate family dynamics.
First, the good news is that over the years I have witnessed a drastic improvement in behavior. Contrary to the bullying we hear about today, boys, in particular, are far less aggressive today. My observations are validated by the decrease in violent crime across American society in the same time period. So we are doing something right! However, boys are less motivated, less responsible, and far less organized than in the past, according to my estimation. Girls, are far more motivated, responsible, organized, and much more mature than in the past.
On the other hand, I have also witnessed some negative effects that modern parents have bestowed upon their children. With both parents working, children are more indulged today with material things, have fewer parameters to live by, and sadly, are more in control of parents than the other way around. Technology has also had an effect on socialization. Children, on the whole, are more withdrawn and less social with each other and with adults. They go to a family gatherings armed with a computer game, go off in a corner, and never interact with family members. Because of this relatively new technology, conversation is a lost art and young people today have a difficult time expressing themselves. They often can't find the words to express themselves and resort to giving examples of what they mean. Vocabulary has deteriorated along with reasoning ability. We used to call it common sense!
Children are coddled far more today than in the past. From birth, they are held constantly and never given the opportunity to explore their new surrounding on their own terms. Playpens are non-existent today but that time alone for infants or toddlers was their time to explore and use their imagination. Today, every waking minute is structured from beginning to end. Even when they are sleeping, they are sleeping with their parents! Parents are too involved in their world and are extremely overprotective. Children need to handle their own problems and structure their own time the way they see fit.
Too much attention is paid to their self-esteem by protecting them from hurt feelings. Today, everyone gets a prize, everyone wins or succeeds, and everyone get invited to the birthday party. Children today have a hard time with rejection, losing, and hurt feelings because they have no coping mechanisms. They have been sheltered from disappointment their whole lives and will even cry and whine to their college professors if they don't get an A. The result is that many young people today are walking around with over-inflated egos because they have been stroked with unworthy praise their whole lives!
Certainly, parents today have good intentions and probably don't realize that too much of a good thing can be detrimental. They want to give their children everything they didn't have in life and they don't want to reprimand them when they barely have time to tuck them in after a work day. Whatever time they do have with their children should be fun time, but they still need to be parents, not friends! Always show you children that you love them unconditionally but always be a parent, guiding them, setting parameters, and allowing them to fail. More is learned from failure, disappointment, and heartache than any indulgent gift you could buy them. The greatest gift you give your children is to be there when they fall, let them know it is OK to make mistakes, and help them learn how to recover. Give them the life skills they will need to sustain them in this crazy world they will enter. Wake up, America!
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Saturday, February 4, 2012
On Retirement
Some people have this romantic, misguided notion that they look forward to their entire life. It may be that you never have to set your alarm clock anymore or perhaps it is spending every waking minute on the golf course. This thing we call retirement is the most misunderstood part of life. Some people actually fear it and wouldn't know what to do with themselves. Others think that when you retire death is the next step, so if they keep on working they will live forever. There are many distorted views and this idea of retirement has evolved in recent years.
First of all, people are living longer and can spend thirty years or more in this stage of life. So it is imperative that you be financially prepared for the long haul. Assuming that you have taken the necessary provisions financially, how then will you spend the rest of your life? My father was content to just read, watch TV, cook, and occasionally visit some friends and family until they all started to disappear for one reason or another. He was lucky to have the company of my mother for all of those years, others don't have that luxury. Was he enjoying his retirement? I don't think it ever crossed his mind, he just was content with the simple joys of life. In many ways I envy him. Today, I think people want more out of life. Maybe you look forward to travel, but how many weeks can you do that? How many games of golf can you play before it becomes mundane? There's got to be something more sustaining and that's what we must figure out!
For me, the meaning of life is to have a life of meaning. To have purpose, to feel worthwhile, to still feel like you can contribute something to society is very important for your mental well-being. So it is vital for us, the baby boomer generation, to envision something more for this stage of life. Retirees have so much to offer the younger generations for we have lived through so much and have gained so much knowledge through experience. It would be such a waste to let all of that life experience die on the vine. We need to be writing about it, mentoring young people who are lost in many cases, and we need to become activists making this world a better place to live in. Retirees are the most under-used natural resource we have in this country!
Retirement can also be a very enriching time in your life. Auditing courses at the local university is a wonderful way to learn, without the pressure to achieve a certain grade. Learning for the sake of learning is a wonderful thing and you will find that you have much to contribute to these classes. Professors are grateful to have a senior citizen in their class as a resource person who can share their life experiences with young college students. Most universities today have courses run by retirees for retirees purely for the purpose of enrichment.
Retirees can also be helpful at every level of our public schools today. Employing seniors to work in the schools as tutors, teacher assistants, or lending guidance to children who just need an adult in their life can be very productive and fulfilling at the same time. The same can be done in business. Young people who come out of school would love to have a guardian angel come in once a week who is non-threatening and guide them through the first year of working in the real world. It wouldn't cost much and productivity would increase dramatically if young people had the benefit of forty years of experience to show them the way.
There is much to be done and it seems to be a win-win situation to tap into this under-utilized resource. I'm sure retirees would love to still be part of society and recognized for still having value. Of course, you must still leave time for golf, travel, and the other fun stuff that we all deserve after a lifetime of work. Retirement is a time to share what you have learned so that it will benefit the upcoming generations. It is a new way of looking at senior citizens, unlike the curmudgeon image that is purported in the media. We need to show respect to our elders and make them feel worthwhile which, in turn, will make them feel good about themselves. It is the right thing to do for everyone concerned, now more than ever. Wake up, America!
First of all, people are living longer and can spend thirty years or more in this stage of life. So it is imperative that you be financially prepared for the long haul. Assuming that you have taken the necessary provisions financially, how then will you spend the rest of your life? My father was content to just read, watch TV, cook, and occasionally visit some friends and family until they all started to disappear for one reason or another. He was lucky to have the company of my mother for all of those years, others don't have that luxury. Was he enjoying his retirement? I don't think it ever crossed his mind, he just was content with the simple joys of life. In many ways I envy him. Today, I think people want more out of life. Maybe you look forward to travel, but how many weeks can you do that? How many games of golf can you play before it becomes mundane? There's got to be something more sustaining and that's what we must figure out!
For me, the meaning of life is to have a life of meaning. To have purpose, to feel worthwhile, to still feel like you can contribute something to society is very important for your mental well-being. So it is vital for us, the baby boomer generation, to envision something more for this stage of life. Retirees have so much to offer the younger generations for we have lived through so much and have gained so much knowledge through experience. It would be such a waste to let all of that life experience die on the vine. We need to be writing about it, mentoring young people who are lost in many cases, and we need to become activists making this world a better place to live in. Retirees are the most under-used natural resource we have in this country!
Retirement can also be a very enriching time in your life. Auditing courses at the local university is a wonderful way to learn, without the pressure to achieve a certain grade. Learning for the sake of learning is a wonderful thing and you will find that you have much to contribute to these classes. Professors are grateful to have a senior citizen in their class as a resource person who can share their life experiences with young college students. Most universities today have courses run by retirees for retirees purely for the purpose of enrichment.
Retirees can also be helpful at every level of our public schools today. Employing seniors to work in the schools as tutors, teacher assistants, or lending guidance to children who just need an adult in their life can be very productive and fulfilling at the same time. The same can be done in business. Young people who come out of school would love to have a guardian angel come in once a week who is non-threatening and guide them through the first year of working in the real world. It wouldn't cost much and productivity would increase dramatically if young people had the benefit of forty years of experience to show them the way.
There is much to be done and it seems to be a win-win situation to tap into this under-utilized resource. I'm sure retirees would love to still be part of society and recognized for still having value. Of course, you must still leave time for golf, travel, and the other fun stuff that we all deserve after a lifetime of work. Retirement is a time to share what you have learned so that it will benefit the upcoming generations. It is a new way of looking at senior citizens, unlike the curmudgeon image that is purported in the media. We need to show respect to our elders and make them feel worthwhile which, in turn, will make them feel good about themselves. It is the right thing to do for everyone concerned, now more than ever. Wake up, America!
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